i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he was CRYING into my vagina
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
