I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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