he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
