even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
