His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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