1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
