I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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