I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
