watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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