it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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