dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
