Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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