So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
