Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
