i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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