The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
