So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
