I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
