i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
