dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
