i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
