We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
