But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
