Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
