omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
