jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
