You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
