I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
