At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
