I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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