im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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