if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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