You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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