I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
