Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
