How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
