If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
