I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
