I just pynch a tree in the face
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
