I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
