and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
