to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
someone owes me an orgasm
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
