when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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