I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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