that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
