The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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