his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
