Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
