I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
