i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
